Floyd: so I saw The Hangover this weekend
Dan: your verdict? do you want to get into this?
Floyd: I thought it was mediocre overall
although Zach G was hilarious in virtually every scene he was in
I just thought too many jokes fell flat
Dan: Did your audience of peers laugh at those jokes?
Floyd: I think I would rather have watched a movie about the pictures at the end then what happened after the mayhem
yeah, some of them
I don’t know, I was pretty drunk
Dan: I have been telling people
that if they made two DVDs
and one cost $20, and featured the entire movie with the directors cut
and one cost $19, and only had the Zack G quotes in it
I’d buy the $19 one
Floyd: totally
I might pay more for the Zach G one
include outtakes and I’m sold
one question I had leaving the theater
was that his real dick in the blowjob pictures?
Dan: no, it was black
Floyd: well, I missed that somehow
because I was STUDYING IT, man
Dan: I believe I heard that on a podcast
I didn’t think the pictures were very funny
Floyd: I mean, I figured it was fake, because there’s no way they would have allowed that in the movie, even in picture form, I wouldn’t think
I liked some of the pictures, even though they were fairly predictable
it’s just the whole “go crazy in Vegas” thing
ending up with a wrecked hotel room
Hunter Thompson really did that shit
so it’s not that funny when other people pretend they’re crazy
I mean, how the hell do you steal a tiger? while hopped up on roofies?
Dan: when is the Vegas, Baby! shit going to be played out?
Floyd: God, no shit
Dan: I mean, they’re talking about a sequel to the Hangover already
Floyd: enough
enough with Vegas
Dan: it’d have to be somewhere exotic to work
So I’m guessing Dubai?
Floyd: Singapore
Thailand
Dan: Thailand, yeah
Floyd: that place has no laws
except have fun and don’t talk to the sex slaves
Dan: but Dubai could be funny, because of all the laws
Floyd: Dubai would be weird, but I’d watch just cause that place fascinates me
they have slave labor over there
Dan: kinda
Floyd: and you have to be a millionaire to live there basically
Dan: The Beckhams could cameo!
Floyd: and Britney
she and Lohan are there all the time
which makes Dubai lame
Dan: Paris Hilton is filming a show there
Floyd: EXACTLY
I mean, seriously, we have to legitimize Dubai now?
we really need to stop building cities in deserts
what is it about the desert that makes people go crazy?
you know what I think it is?
the heat
Dan: Do you know where this Vegas shit got rolling? Do you know what movie is to blame for starting this now played-out genre?
Floyd: hmmm
well, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas might have started things, as a book
did Deano and Frank make some terrible movie about Vegas?
Dan: Ocean’s Eleven?
the original
Floyd: possibly
but I feel like it’s more recent
like the whole late 20’s frat boy type of Vegas
Dan: Nope, I know the answer
It’s not Swingers
It’s that Saved By The Bell movie where Zack and Kelly got married in Vegas.
That’s got to be it
Floyd: you think?
was the movie Tomcats set in Vegas?
Dan: you’re the one who’s seen it
Floyd: um, no I haven’t
next question
Dan: pass
Floyd: what was less funny: the Mike Tyson scenes or the crazy Asian scenes?
Dan: Uh, I’ll go with Tyson
Floyd: so will I, but not by much
both were trying way too hard
Dan: Too long, and too advertised
Every commercial had Tyson in it
Floyd: yeah, the Tyson scene where he drums to Genesis and punches Zach G was hilarious in the previews
Dan: If it was only that part, it would have worked
Floyd: but when it finally happened in the movie, you knew exactly what was going to happen, and it wasn’t funny at all
and then his whole presence just felt really forced
Dan: you can’t ask Iron Mike to carry 15 minutes of a feature film
Floyd: unless that movie is “Tyson”
which I still want to see
apparently it’s a roundhouse of filmmaking
an uppercut of emotion
Dan: unless that movie is “Beating That One Chick”
Floyd: a T.K.O. of a biopic
Dan: it went the distance
it cut me
Floyd: By unanimous decision, Tyson wins!
Dan: cut me with EMOTION
Floyd: Some of the scenes really hit below the belt
Dan: It put me against the ropes, and wouldn’t let up!
Floyd: they don’t treat Tyson’s story with kid gloves
that’s a boxing reference, right?
Dan: uh, sure
if “take the gloves off” is, I call that one
Floyd: it’ll make you want to go home and rub vaseline all over your face?
Dan: When the credits roll, you’ll be saved by the bell.
Floyd: Excitement from bell to bell!
Dan: Uhhh… Don’t throw this fight – rush to your local theater today!
Floyd: And in this corner…ok, I’m done
Dan: thank god someone gave
Floyd: I just thought Hangover was really uneven
were you surprised that Bradley Cooper had a wife and kid at the end?
what kind of married schoolteacher wears a nice black suit like he had?
Dan: It was, but the other 5 people in the theater seemed to love love love it. So in order for us to continue getting some off-kilter laughs, yet have the movie succeed, there’s going to be some dummy gags
it seemed way too obvious that Vince Vaughn declined Cooper’s role
Floyd: haha
yeah, that was obvious
because Vaughn would have been far better
not that Cooper was that bad, but he’s no Vaughn
Dan: well, and the movie was set in Vegas
Cooper might have been okay if the whole thing didn’t scream Vaughn from Swingers
Floyd: I’m just tired of the Vegas stereotypes
Dan: hookers!
Floyd: for once, I want to see a movie about Vegas that doesn’t feel like it was sponsored by Maxim
and Axe body spray
and Bluetooth
Dan: I thought this was going to be like that
Vegas during the daylight, you know?
Floyd: you know what someone should make? a movie told from the Vegas showgirl’s perspective
Dan: I would watch that.
not the upskirt perspective?
Floyd: what skirts?
what do you think the sequin budget of Vegas is a year?
Dan: I dare not guess. if the sequel is Dubai, or Thailand, will the movie be better or worse?
Floyd: either way, worse
because they’ll just double down on everything
I’d rather just watch a movie about Zach G’s character’s daily life
Dan: I think they’ll ruin Zack’s character – they’ll turn him into the dumbest guy, like Homer Simpson on opium
Floyd: right
Dan: Or
Floyd: just more non sequiturs, just for absurdity’s sake
Dan: they might increase the improv, which would help the movie
Floyd: definitely
there were a lot of forced lines in there
like when Cooper says, totally out of rhythm, “Who invited this guy?”
you could tell he hated the line, but his director made him say it
and then they kept it in the movie for some reason
hey, speaking of hookers
Dan: uh huh
Floyd: what the hell was with Heather Graham?
Dan: she was available
Floyd: art imitates life
Dan: and she’s constantly topless
Floyd: again, art to life
Floyd: what was she supposed to be? kind of a hippy, stoned hooker chick?
she left her baby in a freaking closet with strangers
Dan: just while she got coffee!
Floyd: after marrying a guy hours after meeting him
and treating it seriously
and then we’re supposed to sympathize with her at the end?
Dan: I sympathize with all hookers
Floyd: see, it would have been funny if Ed Helms explained it that way to her face, but still decided she was better than his girlfriend at home
Dan: that is funny!
you win the screenwriting contest!
Floyd: I should make Hangover 2
guaranteed it’d be funnier than what ends up in theaters
Dan: I don’t know if that’s a guarantee
but I will say it would have good ideas
Floyd: I’m thinking “Hangover” meets “Hostel”
which would pretty much just be Hostel
Dan: haha
“Hangover” meets “American Werewolf in Thailand”
Floyd: except they’d graphically torture and murder the baby on screen
and the crowd would laugh and cheer
now we’re brainstorming!
Dan: in my sequel, designed to win over the Two and a Half Men crowd, the baby would talk.
He and Zack G would be best buds
Floyd: would the baby masturbate on its own?
Dan: no, but he would talk about breastfeeding CONSTANTLY
Floyd: well, that’s just funny
Dan: and he would question others’ manliness
he’d be like, “Don’t be such a pussy! Play russian roulette with those Ding Dangs!”
Dan: So I guess it would be Three Men and a Baby, with one extra man, and a Look Who’s Talking Baby. And Deer Hunter stuff.
Floyd: haha
I do think there needs to be more Deer Hunter spoofs man, I really want to see Zach G do DeNiro’s role in Deer Hunter
just the same movie, except with Zach G as Mike
Dan: it would challenge expectations
Floyd: and Paul Rudd instead of Christopher Walken
Dan: We have to cast Ed Helms as Walken
Floyd: oh, right
and, um, Cooper can be the guy that freaks out and gets put in the underwater cage first
or something
thinking about Deer Hunter is making me depressed
Dan: God Bless America
Floyd: you need to see Pelham 123
no you don’t
Dan: did you? WHY?
I want to see the original, though
Floyd: because Lindsey and Dave were going and I was bored and lonely
and I like subways
Dan: Christ.
Floyd: and it was pretty much what I expected
they did have an extra long preview of the new Jada Pinkett Smith vehicle “Hawthorne” though
HILARIOUS
Dan: that nurse doesn’t take any guff!
Floyd: she’s literally a strong, sassy black woman
Dan: like Madea, but a nurse, and fuckable
Floyd: it’s like they intentionally avoided any deviation from the most tired stereotypes
including ALL plot points
the funniest moment was when she’s kneeling by a patient, and she says, “Don’t you die on me!”
Dan: It’s on cable, it doesn’t need a plot
and that line is gold
always has been, always will
Floyd: Hawthorne basically exists in a world where comedy shows, satire and irony never existed
Dan: it’s a REBOOT
duh
Floyd: another great line: “Hawthorne is different from other medical shows, because it’s told from the nurse’s perspective”
which at first I thought was a blatant lie, because I thought Grey’s Anatomy was about nurses
turns out they’re actually doctors that just act like retards because, you know, nurses are terrible people
Hawthorne is out to prove that stereotype wrong
Dan: I wish it was an hour of putting IVs in veins and bringing patients warm blankets
not that nurses are useless
but they get stuck with those useless tasks
Floyd: no, nurses are very important
Dan: it’s like telling a classroom’s tale from the teacher’s aide perspective
Floyd: who else would bring sass and People magazines to a hospital?
like telling an office story from the secretary’s perspective
“Yes, please hold”
“Yes, please hold”
“He’s out to lunch”
DRAMA
Dan: “That’s the fifth call today”
“I tried to transfer a call but we got disconnected”
I’d watch it.
Floyd: but ok, I’m going to pass out now
